worry

I often worry about being alone. That everyone will leave me and I'll be left without anyone. I just worry that people will get sick of me and want me out of their lives. I'm sure there's only so much of me that people can take until they've had enough.

What I worry about more is that no one will ever love me. I never tell anyone that I worry about this because I just don't feel like people need to know, but I just don't know what to think anymore. Lots of people tell me that they're surprised that I've never been in a relationship, or surprised that no guy has ever acted interested in me because they claim that I'm 'amazing' or that a guy would be 'lucky' to have me. But the only people who have ever said anything like this to me are people who have never physically met me. 

Maybe there is something wrong with me that just repulses everyone. Maybe I'm destined to be alone forever, because surely there's nothing good about me. I'm just a strange person, who's appearance is average at best. Someone who has nothing special about them, and is just so complicated that she can't even understand herself.

No wonder no one has ever expressed an interest in me. I wouldn't.