update

I am very sorry for the lack of a blog post for the last four days, I have had a lot going on, and I've been very busy over the last few days, so I thought I would just leave my blog until I felt I was ready to post again, which I think I am now.

For any of those who follow me on twitter, you may have noticed my tweets have been a bit different recently. As I mentioned above, I have had a lot going on and I haven't really been sure how to deal with it. I won't explain much about what has happened, because I believe that should remain between that person and I (however I am aware that they have told at least one person already) but to briefly explain, I have had an on going collision of opposing facts with someone, which was triggered by a clash in personalities. I think the reason it got to such an extreme disagreement was because a very similar thing has happened before with two other people I once considered to be my friends, so not only did it hurt as it was happening, it also brought back some very bad memories for me.

As much as I'd like it to be over, I know that it isn't. There is still more that needs to be sorted, but right now I can't face dealing with it again. Anyway, enough about that as I don't want to explain any more about it.

This blog post wasn't really planned, so I think I'll just explain about how I'm feeling right now. I know that it is not that interesting, but I feel that I need to open up about how I'm feeling somewhere.

At the moment, I feel numb. I've felt numb for three days, after a relatively small, but still quite bad, breakdown on Monday night caused by what was happening with the person I mentioned earlier. My mind has been feeling empty, as if I can't think. I really haven't thought much over the last few days, I've just been doing what I'm used to. Getting up, living my day and then returning to a state of emptiness at home. Despite my mind feeling empty, my emotions have been far more extreme than usual. I'm crying far more often, at least three or four times a day, compared to the usual of between once a week and once a fortnight. I just don't really know how to deal with these emotions for much longer, I'm used to being able to control most of my emotions, so to have them out of control like that makes me feel scared.

I just hope that things start to get easier for me soon, because I'm really struggling with everything right now, and it takes a lot for me to admit that. I try to keep myself together as much as I can, but I feel like this is starting to get too much now. I'm not sure what to do though, I've tried everything I know has worked in the past for me, as well as things that haven't worked in the past. I think I'll just have to wait for things to get better for me. I really hope it'll be soon...