learning to let go

I'm the type of person who becomes easily annoyed by things. I don't let them go easily, I'd like to, but I just can't seem to be able to. Something will annoy, anger or upset me and it will really get me deep inside. It's like whatever has caused an emotional reaction has gone straight to the core of my body and I have to wait for it to slowly disappear, and it is a slow process. Something can impact me for hours. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but I mean that nothing will take my mind off it. It literally makes my heart ache, I have no idea why that happens but it just does. But that just briefly explains the extent of the sort of reaction I can have.

I really struggle to let things go, but most people won't believe me when I say that. I give the impression of being such an easy going person who lets things go so easily, and who is willing to do almost anything and not mind. This is actually the opposite of the truth. I don't let things go easily at all, and it really annoys me that I can't let things go. I don't try to lie about this though, I just try to keep to how I used to be in the hope that one day I will be like that once again.

I'd like to be the type of person who can just let things go and move on with life, but I just can't. I really struggle with it. I used to be really good at it though, and I think that's what hurts even more. I know what it's like to be the easy going sort of person that I want to be, but I just don't know how to get back to it. I think knowing what it's like to be what you want to be because you used to be it makes it even harder to get back to it because you just don't know how to get back there. That's why I think I find it easier to deal with my depression than some people- I don't know what it's like to live without depression, so I have nothing to compare it against.

I want to be the person I used to be. The optimistic, free thinking person who could just let things go and move on. The person who didn't care what anyone thought of them or anything they did. I just want to be free again.