relaxation

We all need to take some time out to ourselves, to rest and recover both mentally and physically. A key way of doing this is relaxing. 

People often overlook the power of relaxation, believing that it won't help them. But you'll never know whether something will help you or not if you don't try it for long enough. 

ups and downs

Life is full of ups and downs, some so extreme that we find it difficult to handle. Over the last month I have been dealing with a very deep relapse into my depression, that's why I haven't been posting on here. However, over the last couple of weeks I've been fighting back and controlling it. I'm now feeling happier than I have in years. 

I guess this is just an update post, but I am hoping to post more regularly in the near future. 

new year

This isn't going to be a typical 'new year' post. I'm not going to feed you positivity about the future, but I will explain why I'm hopeful for my future. 

Last year was one of the worst years of my life. So many bad things had happened or been done to me and my mental health hit an all time low. I saw no reason to go on for the majority of the time. I tried to destroy myself both on the inside and the outside. I had no control over what I did. My mind would take over and I would black out and have no idea what I was doing. I did things to myself, to others, without even realising and I couldn't take it back. 

I've been hated by everyone around me, had websites set up for the sole purpose of someone being able to express their hate to me. I've been threatened countless times. I've lost control over my eating, self harm, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, anxiety.. everything.

I wouldn't leave the house for much of last year, except to go to school where I would feel so alone as I contemplated how I would end my life every single minute I was there. 

I have now been trying to recover for almost four months and it has been tough, but it's helping. I'm away from some of my triggers and I'm learning to handle the others. But the thoughts continue inside my head and I have no control over them. But everything else has been very slowly improving. So that is why I'm hopeful for this year. If things continue to slowly improve then this year may be the year that I begin to experience true happiness... I've been waiting for that for my whole life. Surely this year will be the year.