The introduction of education for all in the UK in the late nineteenth century, although a brilliant step forwards in the furthering of equality among all ethnicities, social classes and genders, does have many downsides. For example, the introduction of the national curriculum means that all subjects have a limited percentage of time that each school is allowed to spend on them, with specialist schools having slight variations on these percentages, however, they are all very similar. This is not really to ensure that we all have a similar education though, but instead it is so that schools can be compared for their results more easily, as they must attract future students. Parents can easily compare the English or Maths grades of any school and know that all students are getting a fair chance. One school may average a B for all of their English exams and another may average an A. Previously the school achieving the average of an A could spend up to half of each day in English lessons and the school achieving an average of a B may only spend a quarter of each day in English lessons. However now all schools have set percentages of time which they must spend on each lesson. This does not apply to private schools.
The national curriculum exists to ensure that we all learn the same things and therefore have equal chances of passing exams. But, a downside of the national curriculum is that some students can't even imagine the thought of of studying a subject that truly interests them until they move up to sixth form or higher education, meaning that the talents they may have been able to nurture from childhood will go unused and may fade, or the person may not even know they are talented in a specific area.
The national curriculum also limits the further knowledge we may posses. Someone may enjoy learning about the human body in Biology, but the national curriculum, and their exam board, only states that they must learn the names of organs, while they may be keen to learn about things such as blood types and how diseases impact our bodies, this further knowledge is considered useless in the grading field because if it's not on a mark scheme, a mark cannot be given, no matter how much they know about something.
Another thing about education (excluding vocational education or training) is that exams are a huge part of most subjects. But these exams do not test understanding or creativity, they test our memory and ability to structure answers, even though the structures have been taught to us over and over again. For instance, I knew that in my GCSE English exam, every time I wanted to say something, I'd have to say it in a PEC format- Point, Evidence, Comment. I couldn't focus an entire essay on something that interested me, I had to write everything in a PEC format multiple times, but make sure I have an acceptable introduction and conclusion. But this wasn't unique to me, across the UK, most students followed the same format, or a format very similar to it, and this needed to be done to achieve a high grade, otherwise our writing styles would be faulted and marks would be deducted.
I see exams more as memory games than true tests of understanding. All you really have to do is write what your teacher has told you. You have to remember facts and figures, but only of things you have been taught. We all possess the same knowledge and must generate the same answers in order for us to be recognised as academically intelligent, but I regard academic intelligence and real life intelligence as two completely different things which have entirely different uses. Academic intelligence is useful for the first 16-25 years of our lives, but after that, real life intelligence is far more important and useful. So it almost seems as if what we learn during our time in education is useless to living our lives, and while this is true, in almost every job, a certain degree of academic knowledge or intelligence is required, so it's not all useless.
I could speak about the issues I have with education for hours, and it would seem that I hate learning, but I in fact love learning, but this brings me to my final point. Because education must cater to a variety of people, which means different learning speeds and styles, I personally find education to be incredibly slow. A whole lesson can be spent on something that I would happily be able to learn in ten or fifteen minutes, however the entire class must understand the content and this means that the teacher may have to repeat themselves multiple times and give more than one example to the class. It has been suggested by my friends and family that I start to teach myself ahead of classes, and this is what I have been starting to do. I am currently a few lessons ahead in all my classes, and baring in mind I only started yesterday to teach myself the content that my teachers will be going through in the future, I think this is a great start. It does however mean that during lessons the work is just being repeated, but I find this useful in memorising it, so it's not too bad. I just know I'm going to be frustrated when the material I currently have runs out and I will have to wait for my teacher to hand out the next bit of the course. But I will just deal with that as it comes.
While I understand that this blog post shines a negative light on educational establishments, I do still enjoy learning, but if it was possible, I'd love it for education to be tailored more towards each individual. But I am incredibly grateful that I am in a country where I have a right to an education, and I will make the most of all the educational opportunities that come my way, as it would be a shame to waste such an amazing privilege.
Tuesday 30 September 2014
Monday 29 September 2014
running away or towards problems
I am a strong believer that problems can be dealt with in one of two ways: you can run away from them, or run towards them. Running away from problems is always the easiest option, and solves them for a short period of time, but it's never a long term solution. However, running towards your problem means that you have no choice but to deal with it. While running towards your problem and being forced to deal with it is far more difficult, and can often not work, it's still worth a try, in my opinion.
I've got through many problems by just dealing with them head on, such as my anxiety. I do still suffer with anxiety now, but it's no way near as bad as it used to be. I used to avoid leaving the house for fear of speaking to people or encountering situations that I would panic, and also a combination of other mental illnesses preventing me from living 'normally'. But, now although I still have anxiety, I find it a lot easier to cope with. My panic attacks are far less frequent and I find it easier to deal with it in so many different situations including talking to strangers.
I have a few friends both in real life and on the internet who suffer with anxiety of varying degrees and varying levels of recovery, and they all seem to follow the same approach- running away. It wasn't actually until my best friend developed anxiety a couple of years ago that I was forced to deal with mine and try to get better. She struggled with many of the same things that I did, but she was unwilling to try to get better, and so therefore stayed at home a lot, similarly to me previously. I thought that if I worked on my anxiety, it would make our friendship easier and we could try get things back to the way they used to be.
She developed a strong fear of paying for things in shops at that time, and I had always had a fear of paying for things in shops, but for her, I tried my hardest to conquer my fear, and months on, I'm still working on it but I am definitely getting there. She is thankful that I am doing this for her, and her parents are also grateful that I am able to help her as someone who understands, as they do not have anxiety, nor do they know how to deal with it, so they are thankful for my help, but I just see it as something that any friend should do.
My friend has since maintained what I consider to be a steady level of anxiety for a while, but she still uses the 'running away from her problems' technique and has regretted it. She has told me that she wishes she could just face her problems head on in an attempt to try to beat them, however I just don't think that she is ready yet. In time though, I think she will be ready.
For me, the last month has been an interesting one for my anxiety- I have forced myself to run right towards the problem and try to beat it, and it's actually working surprisingly well. It doesn't work every time, but each time is getting me closer to where I want to be. I will henceforth continue to run towards whatever issues I have with my anxiety until I, for lack of a better word, 'beat' it.
I've got through many problems by just dealing with them head on, such as my anxiety. I do still suffer with anxiety now, but it's no way near as bad as it used to be. I used to avoid leaving the house for fear of speaking to people or encountering situations that I would panic, and also a combination of other mental illnesses preventing me from living 'normally'. But, now although I still have anxiety, I find it a lot easier to cope with. My panic attacks are far less frequent and I find it easier to deal with it in so many different situations including talking to strangers.
I have a few friends both in real life and on the internet who suffer with anxiety of varying degrees and varying levels of recovery, and they all seem to follow the same approach- running away. It wasn't actually until my best friend developed anxiety a couple of years ago that I was forced to deal with mine and try to get better. She struggled with many of the same things that I did, but she was unwilling to try to get better, and so therefore stayed at home a lot, similarly to me previously. I thought that if I worked on my anxiety, it would make our friendship easier and we could try get things back to the way they used to be.
She developed a strong fear of paying for things in shops at that time, and I had always had a fear of paying for things in shops, but for her, I tried my hardest to conquer my fear, and months on, I'm still working on it but I am definitely getting there. She is thankful that I am doing this for her, and her parents are also grateful that I am able to help her as someone who understands, as they do not have anxiety, nor do they know how to deal with it, so they are thankful for my help, but I just see it as something that any friend should do.
My friend has since maintained what I consider to be a steady level of anxiety for a while, but she still uses the 'running away from her problems' technique and has regretted it. She has told me that she wishes she could just face her problems head on in an attempt to try to beat them, however I just don't think that she is ready yet. In time though, I think she will be ready.
For me, the last month has been an interesting one for my anxiety- I have forced myself to run right towards the problem and try to beat it, and it's actually working surprisingly well. It doesn't work every time, but each time is getting me closer to where I want to be. I will henceforth continue to run towards whatever issues I have with my anxiety until I, for lack of a better word, 'beat' it.
Tuesday 23 September 2014
short rant
I will never understand what compels people to feel the desire to post things on the internet with the sole intention of hurting others. It's clear that not all posts that are seen as offensive or hurtful are created with that intension, however a number of them are. These posts serve no useful purpose to the world, as spreading hate and hurtful things from one person to another is not only bad but a waste of possible productive time which the creator of the hurtful posts could instead use to do something that would be beneficial to many people.
Monday 22 September 2014
educational standards
From birth to adulthood, we are raised to fit into a few particular standards, and failure to do so is considered bad. These standards could be good organisation, or exceptional social skills, however its obvious that we cannot all become exactly what is expected of us.
In school and other places of education, it is far more obvious that some standards are expected of everyone. These standards are things such as excellent behaviour, exemplary attendance and an outstanding work ethic, and anything less than these standards is considered punishable.
If someone misbehaves in school, let's say they get into a physical fight with someone else, the school will discipline the people involved, but rarely will they find out the reason behind the fight. The person who began the dispute may have been abused by someone the night before and feel upset and vulnerable, which may cause them to lash out without properly thinking about the consequences. But this doesn't really matter, what matters is that the person did not meet the expected standard and will therefore be punished instead of helped.
It goes without saying that not all instances of behaviour which is considered to be below par are caused by abuse, but I do believe that our behaviour is not random, and that how we act is often subconsciously impacted by what we experience in our lives. But not many people focus on the reasons behind a negative behavioural outburst, but instead focus on the punishment to try to prevent it from happening again.
There are times when people do meet the standards expected of them, and this is followed by enormous amounts of praise where they are told how amazing they are. But are they really amazing, or are they just good at acting? Someone can quite easily be very organised with their work for school, but the rest of their life can be a complete mess, both physically and emotionally, but this person is told how great they are at being organised. The same goes for an excellent work ethic. A student may love art and spend hours doing art work at home, but neglect their other work, like maths or biology, but their art teacher will praise them for being so committed and for having an outstanding work ethic, while their other teachers hand out detentions and other forms of punishment like there's no tomorrow.
This praise and punishment causes us all to find ourselves aiming for the delicate balance of perfection within education, but failure to achieve this balance will only ever make us feel like we have failed ourselves, when we have in fact not failed anyone. We all have different skills and talents, some of which don't fall under any criteria specified by any educational institutions, but that talent or skill is something that we don't fail at, but instead excel.
At the start of this post I said that this impacts us from birth to adulthood, and this is because as young adults, people often realise that educational success is something that means nothing to them, but personal achievements are all they aim for. Some people realise this sooner, others later and some not at all, but it's typically when we become young adults that we understand that the standards that we were expected to live by are nothing more than large wishes of what I will refer to as 'the lords of education' that need not be granted by every single person.
The only standards that we should live to are the ones that we set for ourselves, and the only achievements that we aim to succeed at should be the ones that we believe would be beneficial for us and those around us.
In school and other places of education, it is far more obvious that some standards are expected of everyone. These standards are things such as excellent behaviour, exemplary attendance and an outstanding work ethic, and anything less than these standards is considered punishable.
If someone misbehaves in school, let's say they get into a physical fight with someone else, the school will discipline the people involved, but rarely will they find out the reason behind the fight. The person who began the dispute may have been abused by someone the night before and feel upset and vulnerable, which may cause them to lash out without properly thinking about the consequences. But this doesn't really matter, what matters is that the person did not meet the expected standard and will therefore be punished instead of helped.
It goes without saying that not all instances of behaviour which is considered to be below par are caused by abuse, but I do believe that our behaviour is not random, and that how we act is often subconsciously impacted by what we experience in our lives. But not many people focus on the reasons behind a negative behavioural outburst, but instead focus on the punishment to try to prevent it from happening again.
There are times when people do meet the standards expected of them, and this is followed by enormous amounts of praise where they are told how amazing they are. But are they really amazing, or are they just good at acting? Someone can quite easily be very organised with their work for school, but the rest of their life can be a complete mess, both physically and emotionally, but this person is told how great they are at being organised. The same goes for an excellent work ethic. A student may love art and spend hours doing art work at home, but neglect their other work, like maths or biology, but their art teacher will praise them for being so committed and for having an outstanding work ethic, while their other teachers hand out detentions and other forms of punishment like there's no tomorrow.
This praise and punishment causes us all to find ourselves aiming for the delicate balance of perfection within education, but failure to achieve this balance will only ever make us feel like we have failed ourselves, when we have in fact not failed anyone. We all have different skills and talents, some of which don't fall under any criteria specified by any educational institutions, but that talent or skill is something that we don't fail at, but instead excel.
At the start of this post I said that this impacts us from birth to adulthood, and this is because as young adults, people often realise that educational success is something that means nothing to them, but personal achievements are all they aim for. Some people realise this sooner, others later and some not at all, but it's typically when we become young adults that we understand that the standards that we were expected to live by are nothing more than large wishes of what I will refer to as 'the lords of education' that need not be granted by every single person.
The only standards that we should live to are the ones that we set for ourselves, and the only achievements that we aim to succeed at should be the ones that we believe would be beneficial for us and those around us.
Wednesday 17 September 2014
eating issues relapse
It really has been a while since I last made a blog post, and that's simply because I kept putting it off. I haven't had any ideas of what to write about recently, and I have been busy with college and a few other things, so my life has been quite hectic recently and although I have really wanted to write a blog post, I just haven't had a chance to write a proper one that I thought was good enough to post, so I just didn't. Now that that's out of the way, I can get to what this post is about.
Something that some of you may know about me, is that I have had eating issues in the past (for more information, see older post). These eating issues used to be a long term problem for me, however in the last year I have had it under control much more. It was only a few days ago that I noticed that the problem was resurfacing.
When things get bad for me, and I lack control in the situation, one method that I always think about is restricting what I eat. I think it's partly to do with being in control of at least something in my life, but also to do with self punishment for whatever reason it may be.
Recently I have been fighting off the urges to restrict again, however a few days ago I sadly gave in and started to restrict what I eat. So after a month and a half of absolutely no calorie counting, I started to do it again. There was one change this time though: as much as I hated eating because I didn't think I deserved it, I made sure I ate 1200 calories each day as I knew that this is the minimum amount I should let myself eat.
I have spoken to one friend about this and they completely understand my reasons for doing it as they know of the pressure that I have been under recently, but I just feel that if I don't tell anyone else, I could keep it hidden for a very long time and fall back into my old ways of being, and I don't want that.
Although I was only restricting for a few days, it was a few days too many and I am upset with myself for giving in to the thoughts and punishing myself like that. Technically it is considered as a form of self harm, however I am not counting it as a relapse for my self harm recovery, but for my eating issues recovery, but I am completely fine with the relapse as it was only minor and I did make sure I consumed a healthy amount each day.
Another reason that I am being open about this is that I find the easiest way for me to change something and keep it changed is for me to openly admit that I was at fault and then state what change I am going to make, because if other people see it, I know that I have to keep at it.
So, as a result of this eating issue relapse, I'm going to delete the calorie counting app that I used on my phone, and all other things that can (and probably will) trigger me again. I will also try my hardest to eat normally again, because I know it's not right for me to do this to myself, and I need enough food to keep going.
I hope that I wont have another eating issue relapse again anytime soon, but if I do, I think I will be more open and honest about it and let people know that it is happening so they can be aware and possibly help me if they want to.
Friday 5 September 2014
spoken poetry
I like spoken poetry. I'm not so much a fan of any poetry that's written down, because I don't think that you can get emotions into it properly. When you hear someone's voice change as they say things, you can tell what they're thinking and how they feel, and that's why I really do like spoken poetry.
I find it so amazing to hear someone express their ideas in a poetic way too, it's just another creative thing that I love. It's a bit like singing, but often the words are more meaningful because they don't have to rhyme or fit in with a beat. They can take as long as they like and they often have some humour in them.
While I was at school, we only studied old fashioned written poetry that was drowning in metaphors about things that none of us ever understood, never once did I learn about spoken word poetry, but I believe that if I did, I may have enjoyed my English lessons far more.
I was never good at writing stories or expressing ideas through essays, but through spoken poetry, I feel that I can more confidently, and with far more emotion than with anything else. The only problem is that all of my spoken poetry is currently written poetry, because I've never had the confidence to read the poetry aloud for others to hear. Maybe one day I will, but right now I know that I'm not ready. I'll definitely keep writing it though because I enjoy expressing myself in ways that allow me to be creative.
I recommend that others look into spoken poetry too, as it's very different to the written poetry that we usually think of. It's very interesting, and some of you may just find a talent for writing and performing it.
I find it so amazing to hear someone express their ideas in a poetic way too, it's just another creative thing that I love. It's a bit like singing, but often the words are more meaningful because they don't have to rhyme or fit in with a beat. They can take as long as they like and they often have some humour in them.
While I was at school, we only studied old fashioned written poetry that was drowning in metaphors about things that none of us ever understood, never once did I learn about spoken word poetry, but I believe that if I did, I may have enjoyed my English lessons far more.
I was never good at writing stories or expressing ideas through essays, but through spoken poetry, I feel that I can more confidently, and with far more emotion than with anything else. The only problem is that all of my spoken poetry is currently written poetry, because I've never had the confidence to read the poetry aloud for others to hear. Maybe one day I will, but right now I know that I'm not ready. I'll definitely keep writing it though because I enjoy expressing myself in ways that allow me to be creative.
I recommend that others look into spoken poetry too, as it's very different to the written poetry that we usually think of. It's very interesting, and some of you may just find a talent for writing and performing it.
Wednesday 3 September 2014
one year of recovery
Exactly a year ago today I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. After having a terrible panic attack that lasted for six hours and returning home and crying for hours while contemplating ending my life, I realised that things needed to change. After hitting rock bottom three months before that day, I thought things wouldn't get any worse, but I just remember feeling so overwhelmed with everything and almost losing control. It was at that point that I told myself that I couldn't go on like that.
After suffering a lifetime of mental illnesses, I didn't know what recovery would bring. I couldn't say that I wanted to go back to being happy like when I was a child, because I wasn't happy as a child. I knew that recovery would take me along an unknown path to a destination that I had never even caught a glimpse of before, and this terrified me. I was so scared that the end of the route wouldn't be happiness, and that I would be stuck as I was for the rest of my life.
The decision to recover was not an easy one at all, I'd put it off for as long as possible, but when I got to about three months free of all self harm, I thought I needed to do this for myself. I was at a point where I knew I could cope more easily without self harm, and this was what made me feel that I needed to start then. I also decided to start at that time because it was the start of an academic year and I thought it would be best to start then because everything was new and different.
I discussed the idea with a friend and they said that it would be a good idea to at least give it a go, and so that was when I tweeted that I had decided to start my recovery. I thought that tweeting it would be a good idea because that way I knew that people were aware so I couldn't just secretly start and then give up. I was in it for the long run.
The first few months of recovery were difficult, and every day I felt like giving up and falling back into my old ways of living, but every day I kept myself going with the hope that one day I may actually beat these mental illnesses. I guess you could say I was holding onto the hope that things would get better, and as my friends will know, I've had nights where I break and start to question whether things really do get better, or whether I'm stuck like this for life.
It's only been in the last three or four months that I have started to notice a difference. I have felt more positive and outgoing, and I have had almost full days without feeling bad at all. I've even had a whole week where I felt positive and didn't let any negativity get to me, that was a great week, and I'm hoping that in the future I will have more days and possibly weeks like that!
By sharing my recovery journey on twitter, I feel that I have had to keep up with it. People care about me and keep track of how I'm doing. They support me though my worst times, and enjoy my best times with me. Even if someone has never spoken to me, I notice that they favourite my tweets from time to time, and I appreciate that, because I can see that they're keeping track of my account and how I am doing from time to time.
I thought that I might add a little bit on the end of frequently asked questions about my recovery, but if there is anything that I didn't answer but you want to know, please feel free to message me on twitter.
Are you glad you started recovery?
Definitely!
Are you seeing the benefits of recovery?
Yes, and each time I improve I just feel so glad that I chose to recover.
Do you still have bad times?
Of course, however they are decreasing in frequency and duration.
You said you self harmed, do you still have your blades/tools?
Everything that I have used to self harm with is still in my bedroom, but I do not get them out and I do not use them. I'm hoping to be able to get rid of them in the next year. I know it sounds like a long time, but I'm 99% certain that I won't use them, so I'm not worried about having them in my room as I'm already 14 months clean, so you can see that I've gone this long, I can keep going.
Do you still get triggered?
Yes, but not as often anymore.
Would you recommend that others try to recover too?
Only if they're ready. Recovery when you're not ready can be very scary and difficult, which can make people more likely to give up. If anyone does feel ready to try though, I think they should. There will always be people to support them.
How do you motivate yourself to keep going?
Personal challenges. These can be anything from me wearing a skirt to speaking to someone new in a lesson. I will make sure that I complete these challenges, or do the best that I can at that point. These personal challenges, although small, make me feel proud of myself with each achievement.
Do you see a therapist or counsellor to help you?
I did about a year and a half ago for about six weeks, but no, not since then.
Do you take medication?
No, never have.
What do you do when you've had a bad day and you feel like things aren't going well?
I make sure I eat something whether I want to or not, and then just get into bed and watch a film to keep myself busy. I try to get to sleep as early as I can so I can try to get to the next day and hope that it will be better.
What's your goal of recovery?
Ultimately it's to be positive, confident and to learn to love myself.
How do you know you're ready for recovery?
Ask yourself if you're happy with how your life is now. If you are, great. If you're not, and you want to change it, recovery may be a good option for you to consider.
Since you started recovery, how has your self image changed?
I see myself as a more positive and friendly person who is hard working. Physically, I like my body more now. I have suffered with eating issues, so to be a healthy weight and happy with how I look is great.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how positive do you feel about recovery today?
I think I'd have to say 7. Usually I would be 8 or 9, but as I felt very triggered yesterday and had many panic attacks last night and this morning, I feel that I have slipped back just a little bit, but I know that I can get through this because I know it's only a bad couple of days and I will be okay soon.
What makes recovery easier?
Distancing yourself from what triggers you. For example, someone trying to recover from an eating disorder should avoid looking at 'thinspo'. If certain people in your life trigger you, get away from them, and if you can't, try to focus more on yourself rather than what they say or do. If you remain around things that trigger you while you're recovering, it will make your recovery much more difficult. And it can sometimes make people question whether you are taking it seriously or not. No one expects you to change everything instantly, but if you continue with the same behaviour as before starting recovery, it can be more difficult for you.
Once again, if you have any other questions, please feel free to message me on twitter. Have a wonderful day.
After suffering a lifetime of mental illnesses, I didn't know what recovery would bring. I couldn't say that I wanted to go back to being happy like when I was a child, because I wasn't happy as a child. I knew that recovery would take me along an unknown path to a destination that I had never even caught a glimpse of before, and this terrified me. I was so scared that the end of the route wouldn't be happiness, and that I would be stuck as I was for the rest of my life.
The decision to recover was not an easy one at all, I'd put it off for as long as possible, but when I got to about three months free of all self harm, I thought I needed to do this for myself. I was at a point where I knew I could cope more easily without self harm, and this was what made me feel that I needed to start then. I also decided to start at that time because it was the start of an academic year and I thought it would be best to start then because everything was new and different.
I discussed the idea with a friend and they said that it would be a good idea to at least give it a go, and so that was when I tweeted that I had decided to start my recovery. I thought that tweeting it would be a good idea because that way I knew that people were aware so I couldn't just secretly start and then give up. I was in it for the long run.
The first few months of recovery were difficult, and every day I felt like giving up and falling back into my old ways of living, but every day I kept myself going with the hope that one day I may actually beat these mental illnesses. I guess you could say I was holding onto the hope that things would get better, and as my friends will know, I've had nights where I break and start to question whether things really do get better, or whether I'm stuck like this for life.
It's only been in the last three or four months that I have started to notice a difference. I have felt more positive and outgoing, and I have had almost full days without feeling bad at all. I've even had a whole week where I felt positive and didn't let any negativity get to me, that was a great week, and I'm hoping that in the future I will have more days and possibly weeks like that!
By sharing my recovery journey on twitter, I feel that I have had to keep up with it. People care about me and keep track of how I'm doing. They support me though my worst times, and enjoy my best times with me. Even if someone has never spoken to me, I notice that they favourite my tweets from time to time, and I appreciate that, because I can see that they're keeping track of my account and how I am doing from time to time.
I thought that I might add a little bit on the end of frequently asked questions about my recovery, but if there is anything that I didn't answer but you want to know, please feel free to message me on twitter.
Are you glad you started recovery?
Definitely!
Are you seeing the benefits of recovery?
Yes, and each time I improve I just feel so glad that I chose to recover.
Do you still have bad times?
Of course, however they are decreasing in frequency and duration.
You said you self harmed, do you still have your blades/tools?
Everything that I have used to self harm with is still in my bedroom, but I do not get them out and I do not use them. I'm hoping to be able to get rid of them in the next year. I know it sounds like a long time, but I'm 99% certain that I won't use them, so I'm not worried about having them in my room as I'm already 14 months clean, so you can see that I've gone this long, I can keep going.
Do you still get triggered?
Yes, but not as often anymore.
Would you recommend that others try to recover too?
Only if they're ready. Recovery when you're not ready can be very scary and difficult, which can make people more likely to give up. If anyone does feel ready to try though, I think they should. There will always be people to support them.
How do you motivate yourself to keep going?
Personal challenges. These can be anything from me wearing a skirt to speaking to someone new in a lesson. I will make sure that I complete these challenges, or do the best that I can at that point. These personal challenges, although small, make me feel proud of myself with each achievement.
Do you see a therapist or counsellor to help you?
I did about a year and a half ago for about six weeks, but no, not since then.
Do you take medication?
No, never have.
What do you do when you've had a bad day and you feel like things aren't going well?
I make sure I eat something whether I want to or not, and then just get into bed and watch a film to keep myself busy. I try to get to sleep as early as I can so I can try to get to the next day and hope that it will be better.
What's your goal of recovery?
Ultimately it's to be positive, confident and to learn to love myself.
How do you know you're ready for recovery?
Ask yourself if you're happy with how your life is now. If you are, great. If you're not, and you want to change it, recovery may be a good option for you to consider.
Since you started recovery, how has your self image changed?
I see myself as a more positive and friendly person who is hard working. Physically, I like my body more now. I have suffered with eating issues, so to be a healthy weight and happy with how I look is great.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how positive do you feel about recovery today?
I think I'd have to say 7. Usually I would be 8 or 9, but as I felt very triggered yesterday and had many panic attacks last night and this morning, I feel that I have slipped back just a little bit, but I know that I can get through this because I know it's only a bad couple of days and I will be okay soon.
What makes recovery easier?
Distancing yourself from what triggers you. For example, someone trying to recover from an eating disorder should avoid looking at 'thinspo'. If certain people in your life trigger you, get away from them, and if you can't, try to focus more on yourself rather than what they say or do. If you remain around things that trigger you while you're recovering, it will make your recovery much more difficult. And it can sometimes make people question whether you are taking it seriously or not. No one expects you to change everything instantly, but if you continue with the same behaviour as before starting recovery, it can be more difficult for you.
Once again, if you have any other questions, please feel free to message me on twitter. Have a wonderful day.
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