loneliness and abandonment

At some point in our lives, we all feel lonely and abandoned, maybe not at the same time, but we have all experienced both feelings. Sometimes these feelings can be created within our own minds and we almost convince ourselves that we are lonely, but sometimes these feelings are real, as we have been abandoned by those we thought were on our side.

This post was requested by someone a couple of weeks ago and I have been wanting to write it ever since it was requested, but I just didn't know how to word it, or what to speak about. In this blog I often try to use personal experiences to explain things, so I've had to pinpoint which experiences I would use for this post, and that was harder than I expected. I still haven't decided, but I feel that I've left this for too long so I'm going to just write and see where this goes.

During my life I have been abandoned by people, not physically, but emotionally. They will not leave me, but they will stop emotionally supporting me. When my friend found out about my depression, she said that she didn't really want to have anything to do with that. We are still good friends now, but this sense of abandonment was hard for me to deal with. I didn't expect her to respond like that, and I felt like I had to keep things to myself. She was with me through everything before that, and everything after that, but just not that specific thing. I understand her reasons, but it was just hard for me to deal with. I had to try to remind myself that everyone is different and that there are some things that I would respond to in that way, so I can't expect her to respond in exactly the way I wanted.

I have also been emotionally abandoned by my family. This is more difficult to explain. One of my parents is emotionally abusive, and along with this, refuses to understand that I have emotions and problems such as my mental illnesses. Well, they understand it, they just don't want to remember it, because if they remember that I need their support, they will have to give it to me and they don't want to do that. I find it very difficult to be emotionally open with my family because I fear the consequences this may cause. This isn't really me being abandoned though, but it's the closest I really have, as I have never been physically abandoned. 

Although I have never been physically abandoned, I have experienced a lot of loneliness in my life, but I guess you could say that I did that to myself. I am a very independent person, and have been throughout my whole life. I don't like having to depend on other people for certain things, especially emotional support or my happiness. From a very young age I've been my own support system. I've picked myself up when I've been down, I've talked myself out of countless things that I could have done. I find it easier to trust myself, because I always knew that one day I'd need someone and I'd have no one to turn to, so I became my own supporter. I'm not sure whether this was caused by an experience from when I was young which I have suppressed, or whether this is just a personality trait I have.

As I have been my own supporter throughout my life, I have found it more and more difficult to tell people about what's going on in my life. I tend to keep a lot to myself, which means that people don't know about what's going on for me, and so don't help me. I know that it's my fault that I haven't told them, but I still sometimes feel lonely. 

I was extremely lonely over the last few years because I was afraid that people would judge me for what I was going through. I didn't think anyone else was experiencing the same thing. I had grown up with these mental illnesses so I thought it was just me, or that it was normal and that I shouldn't complain. I felt so lonely over those years. It wasn't until about two years ago when I finally admitted what was going on that the loneliness began to slowly fade. During the last two years I have found it so difficult to be open about what was going on, but I have tried my hardest to force myself. I'm getting better, and this blog is actually helpful, as I can openly express things which people read and sometimes message me saying they understand or that they're there for me, so these feelings of loneliness are very slowly fading. 

If anyone is feeling lonely or abandoned, don't give up hope. Everything will sort itself out eventually. It may take a long time, but it will. You'll find new people who will support you through anything. People come and go from our lives, but you will find some people who will stay forever. I know I'm not the best person to give advice on this specific topic, but all I know is that it will not last forever.