black outs

Every now and then when things get really tough for me I experience something which I don't think many people experience. I can get very close to passing out and then I black out. 

When I black out I lose most of the control I have over myself. I tend to be a lot more open, honest and raw about how I'm feeling. I become inconsiderate of how others will react. And I put myself at risk of hurting myself as well as others. 

I thought that would be bad enough, but to make things worse, after the black outs I struggle to remember what's happened and what I've said or done. 

Sometimes I can get out of these black outs relatively quickly (about an hour) with the help of some people. However, sometimes I can be in a black out for a while. 

I find them very tough to deal with and I haven't ever told anyone about this face to face yet. I didn't think it was real. But I know it is now.