thinking

This blog post is completely unplanned and I'm just using it to explain what I'm thinking because I feel like I need to actually say it to someone other than myself.

I feel like I am at the stage of recovery now where I think I need to start moving away from the 'recovering' mentality and more towards the 'recovered'. I mean, I've been properly recovering for 15 months now and I'm at the stage where I think that I'm getting quite close to being 'better'. I still have a long way to go, but I haven't had any self harm urges in months now (clean for 18 months), I haven't had a bad panic attack in ages, I haven't felt 'depressed' (as in how I felt when my depression was at it's worst). My mood and personality are mostly stabilized too. Plus, everyone is saying how much happier I am, and I really am feeling so much happier and positive.

For the reasons stated above, I think that I actually want to move away from 'person getting better' sort of mentality, and more towards the 'this is who I am' kind of mentality. This would mean changing many things, such as this blog, or perhaps even starting a new one. I've still got a lot to think about, but I think that I may be ready to change everything once again, so that I can be exactly who I am, and not just 'a recovering girl'.

I'm sorry that this post is brief, and that I haven't posted in a while. I've just had so much to think about recently and I have been putting off writing a blog post until I could think more clearly, and ironically I'm writing a post that is not well thought out and while I am not thinking clearly, aren't I fun.