promises

To me, promises are important. If someone promises to do something, I believe they should keep that promise no matter what, or do everything they can to do what's second best. I'm the kind of person who will keep a promise and keep to my word all the time. I get so annoyed with myself if I don't keep a promise, so I do try my best, but I'm only human and sometimes promises cannot be kept, however I inform the person and make it up to them in whatever way I can.

I've recently had an issue with one of my friends breaking promises. She is one of my best friends and I've been friends with her for about ten years. We have both struggled with mental health issues in the past, and I think the fact that we both knew each other before and during these problems, we have stuck together and have a stronger friendship now. She has social anxiety and has had it for the last four years, I have had social anxiety for eight years, so I understand what it's like for her. We both tend to avoid meeting new people and entering social situations that we are not comfortable in, and for that reason neither of us have many friends. She has more than me though because she used to be able to make friends very easily so has kept those friends, but I've never been very good at making friends so I never had many to begin with.

Because we are best friends, we tend to spend a lot of time together and see each other whenever we can, even if it's just to go for a quick walk and talk about how things are going. Recently we have both been busy, and she had been away on holiday, but we agreed that we would see each other when she got back, and she even went so far as to promise that she would make sure she saw me.

When she got back, I was looking forward to seeing her and texted her to ask when she would be free, only for her to tell me that she wasn't. But that was okay, she'd only got back the day before so I wasn't expecting her to be available just yet. The next day I texted her to ask how she was doing, we had a decent conversation for about an hour, then I asked her if she was free for the rest of the day so I could see her for a little bit. She completely ignored that message and then thirteen hours later finally replied in the middle of the night telling me that she was at some guys house.

I thought that was okay, I had no idea who the guy was but it's her life and I can't expect her to always be free for me. The next day she texted me to ask if I was free, I wasn't but she begged me to see her, she seemed upset so I thought that it would be better to see her to make sure she was okay than to leave her upset, so I agreed to see her for twenty minutes as that was all I could fit in. When I saw her she was absolutely fine, in fact, better than fine. All she wanted to do was tell me about the guy. At the end of the twenty minutes she told me something that I think was very stupid of her to tell me. She let me know that she told her family that she was seeing me as an excuse so she could see the guy. So not only did she knowingly avoid seeing met, but now she's using me as a lie to live her life.

With all this in mind, I still care about her, and I knew that she was worried about her results day which is today, and we both agreed to see each other because she said she would want a distraction for the day. So we agreed to see each other in the afternoon, anyway I've just received a text while typing this from her telling me that she can't see me today.

I just don't know why I bother. She might as well just tell me that she doesn't want to see me and be honest. Even better though, she could stop promising to see me when she refuses to keep them.

I guess I've just been feeling lonely and let down recently because of this.