Once again, I am very sorry for the lack of a blog post over the last few days. I have been very busy, lots of things have been changing for me over the last week, although I don't really want to discuss this publicly right now because I just don't feel that I need to. As well as being busy, I've actually been unable to make a blog post; this is partly due to an injury which has made typing a very difficult and somewhat painful task. The injury was a complete accident, and five days on, it's healing well, but I still have to avoid using the injured finger to type with, so that's slowing me down. And as well as the injury, my internet had been down for a couple of days, so that completely prevented a blog post. To put it simply, I have been completely unable to create a blog post until now.
Now that I've got that out of the way, I can explain about a fear that I have recently been trying to conquer. This fear is one that remains hidden until something happens to provoke it. It is my fear of injuries and infection of injuries. This fear only returned because five days ago I accidentally sliced off half of my fingernail. I will not share the details of it, but there was a lot of blood and if it had gone any deeper, I would have hit the bone in my finger.
As I am trained in first aid, I knew what to do straight away- apply pressure to the wound, hold it above my heart, and I also had to sit somewhere comfortable because I went into shock and nearly passed out so I needed somewhere safe to sit that I wouldn't fall and hurt myself if I did pass out.
As there was blood, I was instantly scared because I knew I had an open wound that could potentially become infected. After half an hour of holding my finger up and applying pressure to it, the bleeding had nearly stopped and I felt that it was an appropriate time to put a bandage on it. I got my parents to help me with this, as I would have needed two hands to do it. While they were bandaging up my finger, I began to cry because I was just so scared of the injury. This was the first time my parents had seen me cry in about four or five years.
Since the incident, we changed the bandages twice and each time they were changed, I cried, not because I was in pain, the injury was only painful when it happened, but I was crying because I was so scared. Both times we took the bandages off, I was scared to look, in case the wound had become infected. It hadn't at all.
Last night we planned to change the bandages again, but instead we just removed them and let air get to the wound to let it heal properly. When my parents told me that I wouldn't have another bandage put on, I panicked and began to cry. I was so scared that the air would infect it, even though I know that's silly. After I had finally calmed down, my parents spoke to me and told me that I would have to sleep without a bandage on my finger. By this point, the wound had dried up and there was little chance of it bleeding again, unless I knocked it. I was terrified that I would knock my finger during the night and that this would cause it to open the wound and bleed again, and this would somehow become infected. I got into bed and ended up crying because I was just so scared of something going wrong.
During the night, I woke up a few times, as I normally do, but as soon as I woke up, I'd turn the light on and just inspect my finger to make sure it was okay. Each time I woke up I completely panicked.
I know that this is a silly fear, and I honestly don't know where it came from or why it is so bad, but it is one that I have had to overcome. Although I haven't completely beaten it, the last few days have been a great opportunity for me to come face to face with my fear and force me to deal with it.
I have actually spent the whole day without a bandage on my finger, and it has been absolutely fine, and I am going to sleep without a bandage on again tonight. I am nervous about this, and I almost cried when I thought about it, but I think that I will be okay. I can tell that I am far more relaxed than last night, so I just hope that I will be okay, and that by the time this injury has healed, maybe I will have overcome my fear, or at least decreased its power over me.
No comments:
Post a Comment