sleep

One of the only times when I feel sort of free is when I'm asleep. I have no boundaries, but I also have no obligations. I have complete freedom for a few hours. I can dream, and rest, but there is nothing that I have to do. 

No one expects me to do anything while I'm asleep, so for a few hours the pressure is off. 

Going to sleep can be a struggle from time to time. With my mind racing, and therefore my anxiety levels rising, going to sleep can actually be quite a bad experience. I don't have anyone I can talk to about what's going on in my head because if I do, I'll end up staying awake for a while longer. 

It's not uncommon for me to cry myself to sleep because I can't handle my thoughts. But, on the plus side, I eventually do fall asleep and the problem will be relieved for a few hours. 

After those few hours, I wake up. Some days I'm happy about that, others I'm not. Sometimes I wake up, still feeling awful, and I know that that's an indicator of how my day will go on. 

Sleeping is something that I enjoy, but also dread. I hope that in the future it will be something that I only enjoy.